(More) English Version:
Charlie Brown: Yo Nigger, I’m
filing like a Mother Fucker; Kwanza’s right up the block and shit’s not off the hook. Yo like I’m down with the Hivy Jivy butter churning bullshit, but I’m
ready to Columbine my ass to the free clinic.
Linus: Charlie Brown, you nasty-ass[ed]
Nigger, you [are] the only mother fucker I know that’ll fuck up their own Kwanza by not collecting
your chips; that crack-ho Lucy was off the hook. Of all the mother fuckers on
earth, you’re the mother-fuckest.
Charlie Brown: Bitch, where’s
my mother fucking money?
Bitch: Business is slow Daddy.
Charlie Brown: It won’t get any
faster with my foot up your ass.
Girl 1: My guy gets all heated when
I’m sucking his cockasuarus with a cold lickety-split.
Lucy: I pulled that shit on my guy and
“Wooooo” he whooped my ass ‘til I walked like Jerry’s Kids and shit, mmmhmmm.
Schroeder: Look at this sorry-ass mother
Lucy: What’s your beef sucker?
Charlie Brown: I’m on the down
Lucy: Nickel’ll give you word
on the street, a quarter’ll get your dick sucked, and for a dollar you can stick furniture in my ass.
Charlie Brown: (puts nickel in can)
Lucy: Mother fucking nickel. Somebody didn’t get their welfare today; mmhm, this [is] another mother fucking nickel. Look at this
here, [a] mother fucking nickel. Check this shit out: one mother fucking goddamn,
mother fucking nickel.
Charlie Brown: Shit’s just fucked
on the flip-side; [Do you] Know what I’m saying?
Lucy: Responsibility is the game, Cracker
killer; you need a mother fucking job.
Charlie Brown: A Job!?! Yo, the real problem’s my bitches. They just aint producing enough flow for me to be living large n’ shit.
Lucy: Get some chips in your pocket,
you Mr. Clean-looking pecker-wood. How about you represent the Kwanza
play at my fucking church?
Charlie Brown: Bitch… are you for real?
Lucy: But I [‘ve] got to lay down
the fuzz so hear me out: No smoking chronic or banging your bitches, you[‘ve]
got to keep cool with your bad self, this is mother fucking church I’m talking about, God damn it. But keep the shit
on the south side, [and] I’ll bust a cap in your ass, so big you’ll be whistling out your pee whole. But keep it real and I’ll hook you up, as long as you hook me up with what I want.
Charlie Brown: What [do] you want bitch?
Lucy: 12 inches.
Schroeder: Yo, Check this shit out:
(“Some Velvet Morning” plays)
Lucy: What the fuck kind of beat is
Lucy: Mother fucking Lee Hazlewood? You [are] off the hook Frankenstein. What
kind of glass dick [are] you smoking from?
Schroeder: The one from your ass, bitch.
Lucy: Now looky here jive turkey, that’s
got potential. I [‘ll] show you what other potential I [‘ve] got faggot. Your
mama’s such a ho, she’s got more clap then an auditorium, mmm-hmmm-hmmmm.
Schroeder: Nigger please!
Lucy: Everybody shut the fuck up. The H.N.I.C.’ll be here in four clips.
Girl 1: The H.N.I.C.?
Lucy: - Head Nigger in Charge.
Girl 2: Oh snap not.
Girl 1: That bitch-nigger Charlie Brown?
Lucy: He’s one tripping curve
Charlie Brown: Hear me out or I’ll
slap the black off y’all. I [‘ve] got a bus load of you narrow-ass
[ed] chuck walls, and [there] aint no telling which [of] ya’ll can free-style like a bad coat. Now if I make like this it means all you bitches get in my crib for padoozie. Now if I make like that, it means I’m going to cut you bad if you fuck up, and if I do this I’m
going to Booger-hook you back to Frisco. [Do you] Know what I’m saying?
Lucy: Propetia, you’re playing
Propetia: Why do I get to play myself
Lucy: You is one stinky mother fucker.
Pigpen: Schroeder said the same thing
about your poon-pub last night, [Do you] Know what I’m saying?
Lucy: You [are] going to play the babbling
Babbling Boy: Ebby Ka-banza is da bababa-same.
I’m baba always da ba role of da baba babbling baboon.
Charlie Brown: Alight, let’s do
the scene with the “hoo-ride” and the “ho- joggy”.
Propetia: Trick ass is whooping all
kinds of “hooky-booky”. This “negro-file” stinks.
Pigpen: “Hooty-hoo Schoobalaffa,”
you [are] a two-bag if I’ve ever seen one.
Propetia: I’m about to pull your
bitch chord with a smoothie, “rudy-poo-ass nigger.”
Pigpen: Just trying to get some stank
for my hang low.
You [‘ve] got nice soup coolers. Let’s lock legs and swap
Lucy: What the “habs-coach”
Charlie Brown: Nothing.
Lucy: I know, get in your Roham, and
score us a Kwanza shrub.
Charlie Brown: Word is bone. I’ll take this “jew-bakka” while y’all be cool kicking it live.
Lucy: Come back with a Kwanza
shrub that’s off the hook. [Do you] Know what I’m saying mmmmm?
Girl 1: And I’ll let you “splickety-splack”
all over my nappy dugout.
Linus: All this shit is for “X-mas”
Charlie Brown: Stupid, don’t you
Linus: No, “X-Mas,” like
in Malcolm X-Mas. Christmas was invented by a cracker tricknology.
Charlie Brown: You’re whacked
like a welfare pimp. Let’s just jack this fucking twig, [and] then I’ll
show Lucy my black snake.
(Return to stage)
Charlie Brown: Cheers suckers.
Girl 2: You have one dope “skrittamonger”.
Lucy: Y’all couldn’t even
mack to a hoofy with that shit.
Girl 1: T.C.B..
Propetia: Typical Cracker Behavior.
Lucy: Charlie Brown, you are well fucked
and far from home.
Charlie Brown: I done gobble-basted
a ho. I thought Kwanza was about dumpster-ass bitches and smelly caverns. Could anyone help a brother out and lay down the law on the true meaning of Kwanza?
Linus: Pump your bricks Charlie Brown;
I’ll lay down the quickness. Cut the music.
And there were three kings: Martin Luther, Don and Rodney. Martin Luther
was the smartest of the three; he preached equality, peace and self-respect. He
was the good king. Don was a “deebo” who sprung on the wrong cat
and got rickets from a “stank-poon” on 125th street. He was a “pumper-bumper,” who turned a trick on a “skeezer named
Geroniho, and suffered in drinking a case Natural Ice, while blasting diarrhea all over his crib. He was a bad king. Rodney was a “pull-dagger, coochy-ripper”
who was “geeking” on baking soda, while “flab-stabbing” some ho in the back of a “Hoopty.” He did the jelly donut to the “moggle-trick,” while Amigo Diablo, changed
his name to I’m-[going to] a-do-what-the-cops-tell-me-to-do. He was the
worst king of all.
And that’s what Kwanza is all about Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: “D’oh.” Aww shit, aw, get this shrub some Viagra.
Linus: Maybe this shrub is a crip too. Let’s signify this shrub with a do-rag.
Charlie Brown: Yo, what the fuck [did]
you do to my shrub?
All: Happy Kwanza