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A Charlie Brown Kwanza

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By: MostOffensiveVideo.com

Transcribed by J. Powers

Actual wording (with dialect):

 

Charlie Brown: Yo Nigger, I’m filing like a Mutha Fucka; Kwanza’s right up the block and shit’s not off the hook.  Yo like I’m down with da Hivy Jivy butter churnin’ bullshit, but I’m ready to Columbine my ass to the free clinic.

 Linus: Charlie Brown, you nasty-ass Nigger, you da only mutha fuck I know that’ll fuck up they own Kwanza by not collecting yo’ chips; that crack-ho Lucy was off da hook.  Of all the mutha fuckas on earth, you the mutha-fuckest.

 

Charlie Brown: Bitch, where’s my mutha fuckin money?

 

Bitch: Business is slow Daddy.

 

Charlie Brown: It won’t get any faster with my foot up yo ass.

 

Girl 1: My guy gets all heated when I’m suckin’ his cockasuarus with a cold lickety-split.

 

Lucy: I pulled that shit on my guy and “Wooooo” he whooped my ass ‘til I walked like Jerry’s Kids and shit, mmmhmmm.

 

Schroeder: Look at this sorry-ass mutha fucka.

 

Lucy: What’s yo’ beef sucka?

 

Charlie Brown: I’m on the down low.

 

Lucy: Nickel’ll give you word on the street, a quarter’ll get your dick sucked, and for a dollar you can stick furniture in my ass.

 

Charlie Brown:  (puts nickel in can)

 

Lucy: Mutha fuckin’ nickel.  Somebody didn’t get they welfare today; mmhm, dis another mutha fuckin’ nickel. Looky this here, mutha fuckin nickel.  Check dis shit out: one mutha fuckin’ goddamn, mutha fuckin’ nickel.

 

Charlie Brown: Shit’s just fucked on the flip-side; naaah’at I’m sayin’.

 

Lucy: Responsibility is the game, Kracka killa, you need a mutha fuckin’ job.

 

Charlie Brown: A Job!?!  Yo the real problem’s my bitches.  They just aint producin’ enough flow fa me to be livin’ large n’ shit.

 

Lucy: Get some chips in yo’ pocket, you Mr.Clean-lookin’ pecka-wood.  How ‘bout you represent the Kwanza play at my fuckin’ church.

 

Charlie Brown: Bitch… are you fo’ real?

 

Lucy: But I gotsta lay down da fuzz so hear me out:  No smokin’ chronic or bangin your bitches, you gotsta keep cool wid yo’ bad self, this is mutha fuckin’ church I’m talking ’bout, Goddamnit. But keep da shit on the south side, I’ll bust a cap in yo’ ass, so big you be whistlin’ out your pee whole.  But keep it real and I’ll hook you up, as long as you hook me up with what I want.

 

Charlie Brown: What choo want bitch?

 

Lucy: 12 inches.

 

Schroeder: Yo Check this Shit out: (“Some Velvet Morning” plays)

 

Lucy: What da fuck kinda beat is that?

 

Schroeder: Lee-Mutha-fuckin’-Hazlewood.

 

Lucy: Mutha fuckin’ Lee Hazlewood?  You off da hook Frankenstein.  What kinda glass dick you smokin’ from?

 

(Music Stops)

 

Schroeder: Da one from yo’ ass, bitch.

 

Lucy: Now looky here jive turkey, that’s got potential.  I show you what other potential I got faggot.  Yo’ mama’s such a ho, she got mo’ clap then an auditorium, mmm-hmmm-hmmmm.

 

Schroeder: Nigga please!

 

Lucy: Ev’rybody shut da fuck up.  The H.N.I.C.’ll be hea’ in fo’ clips.

 

Girl 1: The H.N.I.C.?

 

Lucy: - Head Nigga In Charge.

 

Girl 2: Oh snap not.

 

Girl 1: Dat bitch-nigga Charlie Brown?

 

Lucy: He’s one trippin’ curve peala.

 

Charlie Brown: Hear me out or I’ll slap da black off y’all.  I got a bus load of you narry-ass chuck walls, and aint no tellin’ which ya’ll can free-style like a bad coat. Now if I make like this it means all you bitches get in my crib for padoozie.  Now if I make like dat, it means I’m gonna cut you bad if you fuck up, n’ if I do dis I’m gonna Bugga-hook you back to Frisco.  Know ‘at I’m sayin’?

 

Lucy: Propetia, yo’ playin’ the hooka.

 

Propetia: Why do I get to play myself again?

 

Lucy: You is one stinky mutha fucka.

 

Pigpen: Schroeder said the same thing ‘bout yo’ poon-pub last night, na’at I’m sayin?

 

Lucy: You gonna play da babblin’ foo.

 

Babbling Boy: Ebby Ka-banza is da bababa-same. I’m baba always da ba role of da baba babblin’ baboon.

 

Charlie Brown: A’ight, let’s do da scene wit’ da hoo-ride and da ho- joggy.

 

Propetia: Trick ass is whoopin’ all kinds a’ hooky-booky.  Dis negro-file stanks.

 

Pigpen: Hooty-hoo Schoobalaffa, you’s a two-bag if I’ve eva’ seen one.

 

Propetia: I’m about to pull yo’ bitch chord wit a smoothie, rudy-poo-ass nigga.

 

Pigpen: Just tryin’ to get some stank for my hang low.

 

Sally:  You got nice soup coolas.  Let’s lock legs n’ swap gravy.

 

Lucy: What da habs-coach is?

 

Charlie Brown: Nuttin’.

 

Lucy: I know, get in yo’ roham, and score us a Kwanza shrub.

 

Charlie Brown: Word is bone.  I’ll take this jew-bakka, while y’all be cool kickin’ it live.

 

Lucy: Come back wit a Kwanza shrub dats off da hook, know ‘at I’m sayin mmmmm.

 

Girl 1: n’ I’ll let you splickety-splack all ova my nappy dugout.

 

Linus: All dis shit is fo’ “X-mas”

 

Charlie Brown: Stupid, don’t you mean Christmas?

 

Linus: No, “X-Mas,” like in Malcom X-mas.  Christmas was invented by a cracka tricknology.

 

Charlie Brown: Yo’ whacked like a welfare pimp.  Let’s jus’ jack dis fuckin’ twig, den I’ll show Lucy ma black snake.

 

(Return to stage)

 

Charlie Brown: Cheers suckas.

 

Girl 2: You have one dope skrittamonga.

 

Lucy: Y’all couldn’t even mack to a hoofy with dat shit.

 

Girl 1: T.C.B..

 

Propetia: Typical Cracka Behavior.

 

Lucy: Charlie Brown, you are well fucked and fa’ from home.

 

Charlie Brown: I done gobble-basted a ho.  I thought Kwanza was about dumpsta’-ass bitches n’ smelly caverns.  Could anyone help a brotha’ out an’ lay down the law on da true meaning of Kwanza?

 

Linus: Pump yo’ bricks Charlie Brown, I’ll lay down the quickness.  Cut da music.

 

            And there were three kings: Martin Luther, Don and Rodney.  Martin Luther was the smartest of the three; he preached equality, peace and self-respect.  He was the good king.  Don was a deebo who sprung on the wrong cat and got rickets from a stank-poon on 125th street.  He was a pumpa-bumpa, who turned a trick on a skeeza named Geranaho, and suffered in drinkin a case Nat’ral Ice, while blasting diarrhea all over his crib.  He was a bad king.  Rodney was a pull-dagga, coochy rippa, who was geekin’ on bakin’ soda, while flab-stabbin’ some ho in da back of a Hoopty.  He did da jelly donut to da moggle-trick, while Amigo Diablo, changed his name to Im-a-do-what-da-cops-tell-me-to-do.  He was the worst king of all.

 

            And dat’s what Kwanza is all about Charlie Brown.

 

Charlie Brown: D’oh.  Aww shit, aw, get dis shrub some Viagra.

 

Linus: Maybe dis shrub is a crip too.  Let’s signify dis shrub wit a do-rag.

 

Charlie Brown: Yo, what da fuck you do to my shrub?

 

All: Happy Kwanza Charlie Brown.

(More) English Version:

 

 

Charlie Brown: Yo Nigger, I’m filing like a Mother Fucker; Kwanza’s right up the block and shit’s not off the hook.  Yo like I’m down with the Hivy Jivy butter churning bullshit, but I’m ready to Columbine my ass to the free clinic.

 

Linus: Charlie Brown, you nasty-ass[ed] Nigger, you [are] the only mother fucker I know that’ll fuck up their own Kwanza by not collecting your chips; that crack-ho Lucy was off the hook.  Of all the mother fuckers on earth, you’re the mother-fuckest.

 

Charlie Brown: Bitch, where’s my mother fucking money?

 

Bitch: Business is slow Daddy.

 

Charlie Brown: It won’t get any faster with my foot up your ass.

 

Girl 1: My guy gets all heated when I’m sucking his cockasuarus with a cold lickety-split.

 

Lucy: I pulled that shit on my guy and “Wooooo” he whooped my ass ‘til I walked like Jerry’s Kids and shit, mmmhmmm.

 

Schroeder: Look at this sorry-ass mother fucker.

 

Lucy: What’s your beef sucker?

 

Charlie Brown: I’m on the down low.

 

Lucy: Nickel’ll give you word on the street, a quarter’ll get your dick sucked, and for a dollar you can stick furniture in my ass.

 

Charlie Brown:  (puts nickel in can)

 

Lucy: Mother fucking nickel.  Somebody didn’t get their welfare today; mmhm, this [is] another mother fucking nickel. Look at this here, [a] mother fucking nickel.  Check this shit out: one mother fucking goddamn, mother fucking nickel.

 

Charlie Brown: Shit’s just fucked on the flip-side; [Do you] Know what I’m saying?

 

Lucy: Responsibility is the game, Cracker killer; you need a mother fucking job.

 

Charlie Brown: A Job!?!  Yo, the real problem’s my bitches.  They just aint producing enough flow for me to be living large n’ shit.

 

Lucy: Get some chips in your pocket, you Mr. Clean-looking pecker-wood.  How about you represent the Kwanza play at my fucking church?

 

Charlie Brown: Bitch… are you for real?

 

Lucy: But I [‘ve] got to lay down the fuzz so hear me out:  No smoking chronic or banging your bitches, you[‘ve] got to keep cool with your bad self, this is mother fucking church I’m talking about, God damn it. But keep the shit on the south side, [and] I’ll bust a cap in your ass, so big you’ll be whistling out your pee whole.  But keep it real and I’ll hook you up, as long as you hook me up with what I want.

 

Charlie Brown: What [do] you want bitch?

 

Lucy: 12 inches.

 

Schroeder: Yo, Check this shit out: (“Some Velvet Morning” plays)

 

Lucy: What the fuck kind of beat is that?

 

Schroeder: Lee-Mother-fucking-Hazlewood.

 

Lucy: Mother fucking Lee Hazlewood?  You [are] off the hook Frankenstein.  What kind of glass dick [are] you smoking from?

 

(Music Stops)

 

Schroeder: The one from your ass, bitch.

 

Lucy: Now looky here jive turkey, that’s got potential.  I [‘ll] show you what other potential        I [‘ve] got faggot.  Your mama’s such a ho, she’s got more clap then an auditorium, mmm-hmmm-hmmmm.

 

Schroeder: Nigger please!

 

Lucy: Everybody shut the fuck up.  The H.N.I.C.’ll be here in four clips.

 

Girl 1: The H.N.I.C.?

 

Lucy: - Head Nigger in Charge.

 

Girl 2: Oh snap not.

 

Girl 1: That bitch-nigger Charlie Brown?

 

Lucy: He’s one tripping curve peeler.

 

Charlie Brown: Hear me out or I’ll slap the black off y’all.  I [‘ve] got a bus load of you narrow-ass [ed] chuck walls, and [there] aint no telling which [of] ya’ll can free-style like a bad coat.  Now if I make like this it means all you bitches get in my crib for padoozie.  Now if I make like that, it means I’m going to cut you bad if you fuck up, and if I do this I’m going to Booger-hook you back to Frisco.  [Do you] Know what I’m saying?

 

Lucy: Propetia, you’re playing the hooker.

 

Propetia: Why do I get to play myself again?

 

Lucy: You is one stinky mother fucker.

 

Pigpen: Schroeder said the same thing about your poon-pub last night, [Do you] Know what I’m saying?

 

Lucy: You [are] going to play the babbling fool.

 

Babbling Boy: Ebby Ka-banza is da bababa-same. I’m baba always da ba role of da baba babbling baboon.

 

Charlie Brown: Alight, let’s do the scene with the “hoo-ride” and the “ho- joggy”.

 

Propetia: Trick ass is whooping all kinds of “hooky-booky”.  This “negro-file” stinks.

 

Pigpen: “Hooty-hoo Schoobalaffa,” you [are] a two-bag if I’ve ever seen one.

 

Propetia: I’m about to pull your bitch chord with a smoothie, “rudy-poo-ass nigger.”

 

Pigpen: Just trying to get some stank for my hang low.

 

Sally:  You [‘ve] got nice soup coolers.  Let’s lock legs and swap gravy.

 

Lucy: What the “habs-coach” is?

 

Charlie Brown: Nothing.

 

Lucy: I know, get in your Roham, and score us a Kwanza shrub.

 

Charlie Brown: Word is bone.  I’ll take this “jew-bakka” while y’all be cool kicking it live.

 

Lucy: Come back with a Kwanza shrub that’s off the hook.  [Do you] Know what I’m saying mmmmm?

 

Girl 1: And I’ll let you “splickety-splack” all over my nappy dugout.

 

Linus: All this shit is for “X-mas”

 

Charlie Brown: Stupid, don’t you mean Christmas?

 

Linus: No, “X-Mas,” like in Malcolm X-Mas.  Christmas was invented by a cracker tricknology.

 

Charlie Brown: You’re whacked like a welfare pimp.  Let’s just jack this fucking twig, [and] then I’ll show Lucy my black snake.

 

(Return to stage)

 

Charlie Brown: Cheers suckers.

 

Girl 2: You have one dope “skrittamonger”.

 

Lucy: Y’all couldn’t even mack to a hoofy with that shit.

 

Girl 1: T.C.B..

 

Propetia: Typical Cracker Behavior.

 

Lucy: Charlie Brown, you are well fucked and far from home.

 

Charlie Brown: I done gobble-basted a ho.  I thought Kwanza was about dumpster-ass bitches and smelly caverns.  Could anyone help a brother out and lay down the law on the true meaning of Kwanza?

 

Linus: Pump your bricks Charlie Brown; I’ll lay down the quickness.  Cut the music.

 

            And there were three kings: Martin Luther, Don and Rodney.  Martin Luther was the smartest of the three; he preached equality, peace and self-respect.  He was the good king.  Don was a “deebo” who sprung on the wrong cat and got rickets from a “stank-poon” on 125th street.  He was a “pumper-bumper,” who turned a trick on a “skeezer named Geroniho, and suffered in drinking a case Natural Ice, while blasting diarrhea all over his crib.  He was a bad king.  Rodney was a “pull-dagger, coochy-ripper” who was “geeking” on baking soda, while “flab-stabbing” some ho in the back of a “Hoopty.”  He did the jelly donut to the “moggle-trick,” while Amigo Diablo, changed his name to I’m-[going to] a-do-what-the-cops-tell-me-to-do.  He was the worst king of all.

 

            And that’s what Kwanza is all about Charlie Brown.

 

Charlie Brown: “D’oh.”  Aww shit, aw, get this shrub some Viagra.

 

Linus: Maybe this shrub is a crip too.  Let’s signify this shrub with a do-rag.

 

Charlie Brown: Yo, what the fuck [did] you do to my shrub?

 

All: Happy Kwanza Charlie Brown.

 

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